the tax man cometh

3:30 PM ishmael
there's so many people i regularly talk to i feel like telling that i want to uncomfortably position my junk directly in front of their mouth in order to put their wagging tongue to actual use


3:31 PM danger man
you take everything 3 extra steps


3:33 PM ishmael
i will require examples


3:33 PM ishmael
see above


3:33 PM ishmael
or an explanation


3:33 PM danger man
I make a slightly off colour joke about vasectomy and you retaliate with cunnilingus rape


3:34 PM ishmael
it was totally consented.
by me.


3:34 PM danger man
consented by one person =/= consent


3:34 PM ishmael
i cant do math, that's why i have an accountant
' can i claim vibrators as a business expense?'


3:35 PM danger man
what did I say about business expenses?


3:36 PM ishmael
that it will take the government two years to figure out i am having sex on their dime


3:36 PM danger man
nope
not quite


3:36 PM ishmael
and i think that was verbatim


3:36 PM danger man
you are remembering it slightly wrong


3:36 PM ishmael
but no means yes, so it's cool


3:37 PM danger man
I told you that business expenses can be claimed against the income you earn from that source


3:37 PM ishmael
so i'd have to move to las vegas


3:37 PM danger man
so if you were being paid to service people with your vibrators...
then certainly you could claim supplies, maintenance


3:37 PM ishmael
do you know how badly i am always tempted to put something like ' whore' as my occupation on my tax return?


3:38 PM danger man
they don't care


3:38 PM ishmael
they just want their money


3:38 PM danger man
your tax returns aren't able to be shared with the RCMP


3:38 PM ishmael
really?


3:38 PM danger man
at least not as evidence of crime



3:38 PM ishmael
oh whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!??!??!


3:38 PM danger man
so if you are in the business of recreational pharmaceutical sales, you should still be declaring the income


3:39 PM ishmael
recreational botanist?


3:39 PM danger man
sure
because if you get arrested, you will have to pay tax on that anyway


3:39 PM ishmael
come again?
(that's what she said)


3:40 PM danger man
when someone is arrested and convicted of embezzling $1 million, their first visitor in prison is the tax man wanting his 39%


3:40 PM ishmael
good thing i'm poor as goddamned dirt and am an upstanding citizen


3:40 PM danger man
upfrickingstanding