on my days off, I like to pretend that I'm in los angeles

standing on the edge.

i saw the sky in an overly obstructive high rise and it resembled the southern hemisphere and i thought of warmer climes with cloudy skies; a place with sailors and a lack of ice. half of the time i'm gone. and i don't care where.

like a shepard hiding from the sheep. a shroud. we don't know how and we don't care

why

because. we're


unruly. unwanted.



the larger truth.


we'll call it even before half of our time is gone and we don't know where and we don't know where.

before i'm gone and

we'll come
undone

in this place

then we'll know we
are there
i am most definitely
going to
ruin your life



just like the sun kills the moon
every morning
every fight

it never ends


buried in sunshine and choking on happiness

point of blurry reference meets 'e.t.f.'

"I get drunk, hurt myself and I'm gay. Love ya dad! "

ishmael [3:30 PM]: so i'm coming out to my family this week

killer [3:31 PM]: huhu????

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

They dun know?

ishmael [3:32 PM]: they have always had suspicions but i've never said ' ok, here's the score'

so i reckoned i'd do it while single so i didn't have to traumatize my sig o.

killer [3:34 PM]: Nice! Well good luck... I'm sure they'll love you for who you are and not have any problems.

But then again I don't know your family so I hope that's how it goes... you nervous?

ishmael [3:35 PM]: i'm essentially shunned anyway, we don't talk often

being gay MIGHT be worse than being an atheist

killer [3:37 PM]: I doubt it

I'd say you have nothing to lose by telling them if your shunned already

It might make for an awkward conversation.

ishmael [3:38 PM]: yeah i'm clearly doing it at my favorite bar where my 6'7 friend is a cook so if it goes south i've got back up

and i'm only inviting my dad

cuz my mum is gonna lose her emotional shit and cry and cry and well: he can tell her

i've always been closer with him anyway

it sounds harsh, but i am not trying to stir shit up , i just need them to know

killer [3:47 PM]: Ya it's prob sensitive as is, don't need to get em both worked up.

ishmael [3:47 PM]: heavens no

killer [3:47 PM]: But I admire your courage and am sure you'll be fine!

If not

Your already at the bar

And can get loser drunk

ishmael [3:47 PM]: i surely do

hence the black eyes

i actually emailed him a pic of my shiner and was like ' we need to go drinking i have something to tell you '

killer [3:49 PM]: nice 1

I get drunk, hurt myself and I'm gay. Love ya dad!

ishmael [3:49 PM]: i was like ' check out what yer jackass of a dottr obtained while attempting to eat cereal'

ahahaha, ETF!

killer [3:50 PM]: I don't know what ETF means

ishmael [3:50 PM]: exactly the fuck

killer [3:50 PM]: Exchange-traded fund
Is what google said

ishmael [3:50 PM]: i got tired of asking questions with ' wtf' so i decided to be large and in charge and voila: etf

ishmael [3:50 PM]: ahahaha, you googled my coin phrase, i love it

killer [3:50 PM]: Who says you can't make up your own acronyms!

ishmael [3:51 PM]: etf

killer [3:51 PM]: I should went to urban dictionary

Bet it's there

ETF 6 thumbs down
extra terestrial freak- a name you call someone/your friend when their being so freak-ish its out of this world
girl- today this girl in my 8th period came in and was dancing while wearing a unitard!
other girl- woah what a ETF!!!!!!

girl- my sister took my camera and was taking pictures of fat people at the beach. shes such an ETF

ishmael [3:58 PM]: ppfft, mines way better

killer [3:58 PM]: Ya I agree

That one was quite lame

You should enter it in the urban dictionary

ishmael [3:58 PM]: i would but then every fuck tard who can type would gank it and it wouldnt be nearly as cool

i'm blogging this convo - what do you want yer pseudonymn to be

danger man is taken, by the by

killer [4:02 PM]: Ummmmmmmmm

Killer

lol

ishmael [4:02 PM]: killer

boom. for real.

fair trade.

beyond my sleep

above my head


all this picture of a perfect eve
flushed cheeks and the other colours
of my skin
wild flowers within this space
above my head and
other places where you
come away

taken with me

between the sojourn and the
flowers on your skin
the colours in place where
you can believe in me

being taken

you'll come away
like the colour competing
for my skin
baby believe in me

nothing left to burn

the birdfeeder.

when walking to the bakery
the school down the street tells me i'm virtuous by virtue
of a sign on the stoop

it's a monthly thing. help me
keep time by keeping
me aware of my impacts and ulterior ways of crossing
the street
and or my neighbor.

this month being shorter than most, my gentleness must only
stretch 28 ways from tuesday
and then
rolls over into a double heading
of self service after spending

the dusk observing my soul being saved.


the little birds, all accounted.
all knowing
trusted in ways they'd like to be trusted and revelling in

this fortitude

of having something to strive for
in which they've already striven.

hand in hand in hand with being tenderly
forgetting hard consonants and reasons
for striving
for what

we've attained.

the greatest thing we already have

ready to weep and ready to rejoice. to throw up hands and sing

praise

for all the small things that need praise
and shepardly advice within the confines
of it only being suggested

this is how we keep time when we walk
ending with sweetness and
all the small things have their fill
which isn't much to ask when



you are small
and in need of a virtue to feed on