commissioned.

Why global warming is pretty much the best thing that ever happened to super models: first draft


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When you think about beef, you think about going to the beach, am I right? Wrong. When I think about beef I think about poor displaced indigenous tribes in southern America whom no one really cares about since they eschew using things like the postal system, last names, or anything aside from loin cloths. And some times they even eschew loin cloths. Don’t even mention their aversion to parking lots which accompany weekend trips to the mall. These poor little bastards have to shoot their food with blow darts, and you'd be hard pressed to find a cow that would succumb to a blow dart. Unless it was a miniature cow, manufactured by science. Which is how 'scientists' plan on decreasing the amount of land we have to use as grazing pasture and focus on food staples like, I dunno: rice.


As far as I can tell, a 'scientist' decided it was a great idea to jam some cow junk into a test tube then feed it growth hormones ( these are not olympiad cows, just cows for olympiads to eat, since olympiads need all the protein they can get before game day. Or is that carbs? Anyways...) and boom; we can now stop cutting down all of the Amazon. This is a good-ish idea in theory, but where did the 'scientist' get the growth hormones to feed the amorphous mass in the laughing cow test tube? Humans.


Which is where super models come in. Anorexia is a much better solution to the food crisis than having to grow fake cows. Just stop eating. The need for mass marketed food consumption decreases. The 54 billion animals raised in the farms can now run free, if not still domesticated, and lord knows they'll require all the rainforest they need to assuage their appetites after being able to roam further than 3 square centimetres for the duration of their miserable lives.

And we'll be left with a hyper sexy society that can find new ways things to become complacent about. Like, the oceans.

The end.


ps: i got a free BBQ flipper with a built in serrated knife on the side while buying vodka today, so let's hold off on this anorexia thing until i can use it. at least once. It was free for chrissakes.