ishmael [11:48 AM]:dude, my lip ring is infected and i cant take it out cuz i chomped down on it, hurts like a mother fucker
guns [11:48 AM]: oooooo ouch!
do you have any cleanser? like dragon mist or lavender soap?
ishmael [11:49 AM]: i've been soaking it with salt water to no avail
i might have to go to a pierce shop for assistance to take it off
i don't want to take it out
guns [11:49 AM]: would you be taking it out for good or just putting another ring on?
ishmael [11:50 AM]: putting another one in until it heals
its swollen and too tight
guns [11:50 AM]: oh that's not too bad. honestly, i think you can avoid that
ishmael [11:50 AM]: oh really?
how so, gimme some tips since yer senior to me in this department
ishmael [11:58 AM]: i dont want to have to chomp down on another one unless i have to
guns [12:14 PM]: for sure. my recommendation is getting some ectopic solution, it helps keep it moist and clean
ishmael [12:15 PM]: ectopic?
guns [12:16 PM]: sorry, topical, not ectopic
ishmael [12:16 PM]: i was wondering. i was slightly worried there was a fetus growing in my lip and was like ' nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo'
abort! ABORT!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
commissioned.
Why global warming is pretty much the best thing that ever happened to super models: first draft
********
When you think about beef, you think about going to the beach, am I right? Wrong. When I think about beef I think about poor displaced indigenous tribes in southern America whom no one really cares about since they eschew using things like the postal system, last names, or anything aside from loin cloths. And some times they even eschew loin cloths. Don’t even mention their aversion to parking lots which accompany weekend trips to the mall. These poor little bastards have to shoot their food with blow darts, and you'd be hard pressed to find a cow that would succumb to a blow dart. Unless it was a miniature cow, manufactured by science. Which is how 'scientists' plan on decreasing the amount of land we have to use as grazing pasture and focus on food staples like, I dunno: rice.
As far as I can tell, a 'scientist' decided it was a great idea to jam some cow junk into a test tube then feed it growth hormones ( these are not olympiad cows, just cows for olympiads to eat, since olympiads need all the protein they can get before game day. Or is that carbs? Anyways...) and boom; we can now stop cutting down all of the Amazon. This is a good-ish idea in theory, but where did the 'scientist' get the growth hormones to feed the amorphous mass in the laughing cow test tube? Humans.
Which is where super models come in. Anorexia is a much better solution to the food crisis than having to grow fake cows. Just stop eating. The need for mass marketed food consumption decreases. The 54 billion animals raised in the farms can now run free, if not still domesticated, and lord knows they'll require all the rainforest they need to assuage their appetites after being able to roam further than 3 square centimetres for the duration of their miserable lives.
And we'll be left with a hyper sexy society that can find new ways things to become complacent about. Like, the oceans.
The end.
ps: i got a free BBQ flipper with a built in serrated knife on the side while buying vodka today, so let's hold off on this anorexia thing until i can use it. at least once. It was free for chrissakes.
********
When you think about beef, you think about going to the beach, am I right? Wrong. When I think about beef I think about poor displaced indigenous tribes in southern America whom no one really cares about since they eschew using things like the postal system, last names, or anything aside from loin cloths. And some times they even eschew loin cloths. Don’t even mention their aversion to parking lots which accompany weekend trips to the mall. These poor little bastards have to shoot their food with blow darts, and you'd be hard pressed to find a cow that would succumb to a blow dart. Unless it was a miniature cow, manufactured by science. Which is how 'scientists' plan on decreasing the amount of land we have to use as grazing pasture and focus on food staples like, I dunno: rice.
As far as I can tell, a 'scientist' decided it was a great idea to jam some cow junk into a test tube then feed it growth hormones ( these are not olympiad cows, just cows for olympiads to eat, since olympiads need all the protein they can get before game day. Or is that carbs? Anyways...) and boom; we can now stop cutting down all of the Amazon. This is a good-ish idea in theory, but where did the 'scientist' get the growth hormones to feed the amorphous mass in the laughing cow test tube? Humans.
Which is where super models come in. Anorexia is a much better solution to the food crisis than having to grow fake cows. Just stop eating. The need for mass marketed food consumption decreases. The 54 billion animals raised in the farms can now run free, if not still domesticated, and lord knows they'll require all the rainforest they need to assuage their appetites after being able to roam further than 3 square centimetres for the duration of their miserable lives.
And we'll be left with a hyper sexy society that can find new ways things to become complacent about. Like, the oceans.
The end.
ps: i got a free BBQ flipper with a built in serrated knife on the side while buying vodka today, so let's hold off on this anorexia thing until i can use it. at least once. It was free for chrissakes.
Monday, October 18, 2010
sorry we are sorry
welcome to the century
that is hallowed and reminiscent of
times less democratic
the correlation between the senses
and
an excellant introduction
to being human.
that is hallowed and reminiscent of
times less democratic
the correlation between the senses
and
an excellant introduction
to being human.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
fat tuesday
ishmael [2:32 PM]: i love how people freak out when an animal at the zoo dies
danger man [2:33 PM]: .o0O
ishmael [2:33 PM]: like natural selection doesn't exist
danger man [2:33 PM]: it doesn't. God created a baby tiger out of dust and shoved it up that mommy tiger
ishmael [2:33 PM]: ahahahahaha
and will now ensure it doesn't get poached
like when the capybara was crushed in that door
ummm, rodent people
danger man [2:34 PM]: mmmmmm poached tiger with hollandaise
ishmael [2:34 PM]: the fact it's enourmous should be more disconcerting
which has an interesting god twist itself. the pope made capybara a fish! by special dispensation so the south american natives they were forcing their religion on could eat it on fridays
danger man [2:38 PM]: I hadn't heard that
ishmael [2:39 PM]: we have rules. but this one doesn't matter so we'll ignore it...
which means i could be specially dispensated as a man and my unions wouldn't be so abominable any more
but wheres the fun in that
danger man [2:40 PM]: well, the fish rule has been removed altogether
and I can't find anything online that doesn't look like a legend or joke about the capybara thing
ishmael [2:40 PM]: the filet o fish at mcdonalds was introduced especially for that reason as well
sales plummeted on fridays, so ray kroc was like ' wtf! let's put mince meal on a bun!'
danger man [2:41 PM]: yes I have heard that before
ishmael [2:41 PM]: i read it somewhere i can recall where
hhmmm
mayhaps i have been duped
danger man [2:42 PM]: everything I've found so far just refers to "The Pope" around the 16th century
pretty vague details
looks like at least the local clergy called it a fish
cause it's like a beaver
if it spends more time in the water, you can eat it during lent
ishmael [2:44 PM]: fish and beaver do taste similar
danger man [2:45 PM]: I wouldn't know
is that a truthful statement or some lesbian double entendre I am passing over?
ishmael [2:46 PM]: why would i eat a real beaver? i'm kanuckistani. that would just be unpatriotic
danger man [2:46 PM]: ew
not that there's anything wrong with that
ishmael [2:50 PM]: nothing at alllllll
i'm obviously posting this conversation on stripmall dojo
what would you like your pseudonym to be
danger man [2:56 PM]: come up with something exciting
ishmael [3:07 PM]: danger man
no too obvious it's you
danger man [3:08 PM]: Danger man is obviously me?
ishmael [3:08 PM]: clearly
but now you have to be danger man
danger man [3:08 PM]: in bizarro land
ishmael [3:09 PM]: stripmall dojo IS bizarre
much like this conversation
danger man [2:33 PM]: .o0O
ishmael [2:33 PM]: like natural selection doesn't exist
danger man [2:33 PM]: it doesn't. God created a baby tiger out of dust and shoved it up that mommy tiger
ishmael [2:33 PM]: ahahahahaha
and will now ensure it doesn't get poached
like when the capybara was crushed in that door
ummm, rodent people
danger man [2:34 PM]: mmmmmm poached tiger with hollandaise
ishmael [2:34 PM]: the fact it's enourmous should be more disconcerting
which has an interesting god twist itself. the pope made capybara a fish! by special dispensation so the south american natives they were forcing their religion on could eat it on fridays
danger man [2:38 PM]: I hadn't heard that
ishmael [2:39 PM]: we have rules. but this one doesn't matter so we'll ignore it...
which means i could be specially dispensated as a man and my unions wouldn't be so abominable any more
but wheres the fun in that
danger man [2:40 PM]: well, the fish rule has been removed altogether
and I can't find anything online that doesn't look like a legend or joke about the capybara thing
ishmael [2:40 PM]: the filet o fish at mcdonalds was introduced especially for that reason as well
sales plummeted on fridays, so ray kroc was like ' wtf! let's put mince meal on a bun!'
danger man [2:41 PM]: yes I have heard that before
ishmael [2:41 PM]: i read it somewhere i can recall where
hhmmm
mayhaps i have been duped
danger man [2:42 PM]: everything I've found so far just refers to "The Pope" around the 16th century
pretty vague details
looks like at least the local clergy called it a fish
cause it's like a beaver
if it spends more time in the water, you can eat it during lent
ishmael [2:44 PM]: fish and beaver do taste similar
danger man [2:45 PM]: I wouldn't know
is that a truthful statement or some lesbian double entendre I am passing over?
ishmael [2:46 PM]: why would i eat a real beaver? i'm kanuckistani. that would just be unpatriotic
danger man [2:46 PM]: ew
not that there's anything wrong with that
ishmael [2:50 PM]: nothing at alllllll
i'm obviously posting this conversation on stripmall dojo
what would you like your pseudonym to be
danger man [2:56 PM]: come up with something exciting
ishmael [3:07 PM]: danger man
no too obvious it's you
danger man [3:08 PM]: Danger man is obviously me?
ishmael [3:08 PM]: clearly
but now you have to be danger man
danger man [3:08 PM]: in bizarro land
ishmael [3:09 PM]: stripmall dojo IS bizarre
much like this conversation
Sunday, September 5, 2010
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